Is it the right fit for me!

For my entire working career I have measured myself against what the company wants from me, meaning what was their evaluation of my skills. I have continuously met objectives, shown initiatives by starting beneficial programs. I have always felt that my efforts went unappreciated, I felt stifled and upset. And every year I vowed to do better in order to get appreciated. But then I had an epiphany a slight change in out look.

As you know a couple weeks ago I gave up hope that I would continue to grow and head down a promising a career path with my company. So I dusted out my resume and filled out a number of  job applications. I realized something I was impressed by my accomplishments given the crap that I have been put through.  Then this thought jumped into my head waiting on the elevators thinking how awesome google sounded as a company!

Maybe it’s not that I am average or mediocre maybe it is the company that I work is the problem. When I was looking for a job/ career after college I did not care where I worked in as long as I had a job that paid me an ok salary. I did not take the time to assess whether the company was a good fit for me. I did not look at my skills and compared it to the company vision. I just wanted a job and the Oil and Gas industry paid pretty well.

That got me thinking about university… Did I really care what school I went too, for me the list of criteria was as follows

·        In the North East

·        In the top 100 schools

·        Offered Bioengineering

·        Willing to accept me

And although I went to a brilliant school I hated it! I did everything possible to get out as soon as possible. In a time when College students were taken more than the expected 4 year I graduated in 3. Wasting a lot of opportunity to discover myself or take different classes that would have allowed me to grow.

So now that I am about to embark on this second phase in my career. I am taking to the time to evaluate every opportunity and determine whether it’s the right fit for me!

The decision made: Journey begins

After a year of flying high, of pure jubilation and being blinded with happiness I ignored the wall that loomed off in the distance but now I had to face reality.

You see in 2010 I was pregnant against the odds and delivered a beautiful baby boy. I also had my 2010 dream job.

Now in 2011 I came back to work leaving my baby at home with my mother to a demotion. The company’s necessary retribution for maternity leave all explained away by "The Business Needs".  They had taken my job away relegated me to doing support.

I was depressed, angry and filled with self-pity for I was back doing a job that I hated. Luckily I was given the opportunity to temporarily hide from my new working horror by short-term assignment that kept me away from the reality of my new/old job. Despite this it seemed like the shadows of my past was enveloping me, and drowning me, so I lumbered through every day by thinking of my sweet baby Noah, my family and my husband the only links to my recent high. In my desperation I also tried to heave the responsibility of my happiness to my husband by insisting that he find a way for me to stay home. I scoured the net looking for clothes, shoes, anything that would make me feel some happiness during my long hours at work.

In the final days of my temporary reprieve I finally found a path. It came when I saw the thief who had stolen my job, walking by me, all smug and happy. I wanted to cry, I wanted to quit. I wanted to be claimed by the darkness the depression.  Then I felt my own grit and inner self revolt against this thought. I found my resolve and eventually my way forward. Working towards a goal was something I had spent the past three weeks of work existing with out. This lack of a plan this lack of a goal also harkened back to my past. When I was depressed and allowed myself to become a victim to a predator.

I realize that in life you must never ever remain stagnant because with stagnancy comes complacency and the finally unhappiness and depression. We must be ever moving forward evaluating our future making plans for our next success.
Feeling angry about things that have happened in the pass stunts your growth and ruins your potential for future success.  Holding on to anger about past events, things that you cannot change, prevents you from seeing the possibility and joy of the future. So I forgave my company their retribution, I accepted that the past could not be any different and was grateful for the joy and for my son.

Once I had recognized this I made my decision
I decided that I needed to move forward and go for my dream jobs
I am going to be an Education Manager; I am going to be part of innovation within the field of education. I am going to be in the forefront of change.

I will chant this to myself every day I feel despair that change is not coming fast enough. Or the times I miss my son and long to be home with him or when I want to scream at work because I am bored and unfulfilled.
I will remember that those experiences will make me more appreciative of my bright future. Those experiences will lead me to constantly access and re-evaluate my plans and it will help me to keep moving ever forward.

My past successes will remind me how good life can be 2010 was one of my best years for now and will always be one of the but I have more great years ahead.
I have confidence that through striving for excellence and a future that I will find the best fit for me.

 Even with this joy I cautioned myself that having goals dreams and aspirations don’t necessarily mean you will get exactly what you wanted. For humans rarely know what’s best for us, I know however that by moving forward I will get exactly what I needed to be happy.

When you just sit back passive allowing the currents to take you, you resign yourself to despair, your resign yourself to being a victim by having goals and dreams you take back the power and chart your own course. The journey may not be easy and by choosing your path you give up the comfort of blaming God or the Fates because you made the decision but it gives you something much more important.